Thursday, January 12, 2006
The stuff of legends
The tale of the Trojan War as told by Heman, Chindustan's answer to Vyasa:

The penis lies at the heart of all wars, thus it is in fact the ultimate weapon. In fact it is a weapon of mass destruction. Consider that little incident in Troy all those years ago. One man followed his penis, which in turn led to a woman following his penis away from her own husband's penis. This led to a lousy feeling in the poor husband's penis which led him, his penis and 1000 ships full of other penises to the land of Troy to engage in battle with a city full of penises hidden behind their city walls.

At first, the invading penises threw themselves against the walls in a furious but ultimately vain attempt to break past the defenders and get to the woman who followed the original penis of the story. They failed; and the invading penises felt badly for themselves and shrunk a little in shame. The defending penises, although outnumbered, were still safe behind their walls and started to feel an inflated sense of self.

This lasted till one of the invading penises, uncommonly bright among his peers although not as large, decided to play upon the defending penises' vainglory and built a large wooden [Ed: Big woody?] horse and left it at the gates of the defenders' city. The defenders took this as a sign of submission from the invaders, acknowledgement that they were nowhere near as large and powerful as the penises of the defenders, which they felt were like that of the horse.

They brought the tribute to their penises into their city but unknown to them the wooden horse was filled with invading penises who then came out at night and opened the city gates and let the remaining invaders into the city. The city was then burned to the ground and most of the principal penises in the story die along with thousands of other insignificant penises. (Sidenote: In the movie version, one extra large, blonde-haired invading penis and one slightly smaller, dark-haired defending penis had a one-on-one showdown before the entire incident with the wooden horse took place, the larger penis winning by repeatedly whacking the smaller one over the head with itself.)

The moral of the story: never let the penis take lead. Whole cities get burned that way.

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posted by Hong at 7:58 pm | Permalink |


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